I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
