she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
