Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
