Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
