that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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