Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
