I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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