somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
