I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
