Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
