just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
