I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
