I accidentally burped into my bong.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
