My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
