he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
