I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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