I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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