I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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