I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
