my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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