and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
