just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
