We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
