if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
