Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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