I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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