the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
