I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
