____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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