So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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