He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
