I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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