Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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