these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cockslap morals
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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