does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
