no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
