Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
