Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
