im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
