She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
