I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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