I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
