i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
tell me about the eggs
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