If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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