so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
