It's Friday. Sex?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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