Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
