We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
