8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
