They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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