Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
