She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
